I have one burning question for men concerning online dating — what is with the fish pictures?
Did I miss the memo that men holding fresh caught fish is an aphrodisiac? Is this supposed to appeal to our DNA like the caveman holding a bison head? I surmise that the number of women who are into sport fishing isn’t huge. Maybe they are Hemingway fans? Pescatarians who think this grilled with a bit of rosemary and lemon will make a lovely dinner?
A much safer bet is a boat — sailboat, motor boat, luxury yacht. A chance to be on the water is certainly romantic and a way to leave land-locked worries behind.
The good thing about online dating is that you aren’t depending on a chance meeting or fix up or leaving your Jimmy Choo behind at a ball. If you are within a certain mile radius and age range — boom, there may be a match.
For my first online date I was in Florida and having a hard time finding parking in a trendy, crowded resort town. My date met me on the street corner, asked if he could jump in, directed me to a perfect parking place on the next street, and, on the way, noticed the tire pressure warning on my console. “Hold on,” he said and ran to his car to get his pocket tire pressure measure.
He proceeded to fix all four tires then took my arm to lead me to his favorite watering hole. He gave me a tour of the cute neighborhood including a historic hotel where he cued up his iPhone to Sinatra to spin me around the deserted ballroom floor. While he wasn’t ultimately the guy for me, I appreciated this heavy dose of chivalry and considered a second date when the engine light came on.
“Catching” someone’s attention online has to happen in an instant. Humor can be successful. One guy I gave a chance because he said he worked at the Ministry Of Funny Walks (that’s Monty Python to you Millennials). I think my entrance with my personal interpretation was, however, less successful and undeniably dangerous in platform heels. But the guy who said he was “seeking a wealthy, lonely, European super model” fell flat. Of course, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was indeed joking.
It helps to be sharp yourself. My profile references Lady Chatterley and when I asked a date what he was doing and he said, “Watching the game,” I asked if it was the Yankees. Unfortunately, he had to remind me Lady C. had a thing for the game keeper. Literary gaffe.
The one line, men, I would lose from your profile is, “You’d better look like your picture or pay for drinks until you do.” I agree pictures should be recent and accurate but when your profile has a fuzzy picture of a selfie in a bathroom mirror, I think you are living in a glass house and maybe don’t toss that first stone.
Ultimately online dating is a leap of faith but it proves that there are still plenty of “fish” in the virtual romantic sea.
You can send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.