As I try my hardest to get Frank Sinatra’s song “Love and Marriage” out of my head, it rings true. No matter how long a couple has been together, if they are married there is some form of love there. Maybe it’s a love driven by passion, or respect, or maybe for the sanctity of marriage itself. I’m not one to judge. But, no matter how you slice the wedding cake, love takes work.
When newlyweds turn in five, 10, 20, or more years of working on such a commitment, the perspective changes. Life inevitably can be difficult, and in the hardest of times, even the strongest of couples can lose sight of love and forget why they entered their journey together in the first place. But sometimes all it takes is a new point of view to remember what love is all about.
Newlywed couple Evan and Emily Kraus of Southold got married on October 5, 2019, after being together about three years. Their love is fresh with a long future ahead, full of hope. Aiming to capture the spirit of their new nuptials, the new Mr. and Mrs. Kraus shared their reasons for falling in love and how they are taking on their roles of husband and wife.
When did you know the other was “the one”?
Emily: Evan pursued me for a few months and I played a little hard to get. I dated someone else for a brief period while Evan and I were developing our friendship, and honestly, I think that helped put things into perspective for me. It made me realize feelings I didn’t know I had. When the other guy didn’t want to see me anymore, Evan was the first person I called. Subconsciously, I knew that there was something between us that we needed to explore.
Evan: Very early, before we ever even went on our first date. I used to talk to her every morning at the gym she worked at. She would entertain it, but I knew she wanted nothing to do with me. I knew we were meant to be together.
What was the most memorable moment from your wedding?
Emily: Seeing his face walking down the aisle, listening to his vows. My sister performed the ceremony and put so much love into it. At that moment I felt like no one else was really there besides the two of us.
Evan: When I first saw Em coming down the aisle in her dress.
How do you solve conflict?
Emily: We talk it out. I’m a “not going to sleep angry” type of person. So, although sometimes we may both need our space, I like to resolve things and move on, no holding grudges. One thing that I’ve learned is forgiveness is for you, not the other person. When we forgive, we can put things behind us, live and love in the present.
Evan: We wrestle. Just kidding. We talk it out.
Is there any advice you’ve received that has proved accurate?
Emily: Always make time for each other, no matter how busy our lives get. Show appreciation for each other — the littlest things mean the most. Don’t go to sleep angry. Be able to laugh at each other. Don’t take life too seriously.
What are the ways you regularly show appreciation for one another?
Emily: I love to leave him little notes on our bathroom mirror, in his car, etc. Just a little reminder how much I love and appreciate him. I don’t think someone can ever hear that stuff enough.
Evan: Doing the little things I know Em appreciates like cooking, cleaning.
What do you appreciate the most about your spouse?
Emily: I appreciate the way he looks at me like it’s the first time he’s seen me when I walk into a room. He always makes me smile and laugh; it helps me (being the more serious of the two) to remember not to take life or myself too seriously. I never want to lose sight of the way he makes me feel, his sense of humor, and the fun that we have together.
Evan: I appreciate her love and support the most. I never want to lose sight of our sense of adventure. (We love to hunt, fish, camp, hike together.)
It’s 15 years from now. You’re exhausted from countless life changes. What advice do you give to your future selves?
Emily: Remember how and why you fell in love. Remember that you have and you will continue to make it through anything. Most importantly, to forgive and forget, life truly is too short.
Evan: When you get caught up in the difficult things, don’t take life too seriously.
Let this breathe love back into your lives, and get you through the difficult times.